Things I Didn’t Know…

I didn’t know it would be this hard to be told every day how big I’ve gotten.
I didn’t know it would be this hard to daily hear critique and commentary on my body shape, from my expanding face, to my overall weight gain, to how low she’s sitting.
To struggle to look at recent pictures, and the mirror.
To hear sighs and “Oh,” when I mention epidurals, co-sleepers, or even her name.
To get questioned when buying Claritin for my husband, or choosing to eat a bag of chips.
I didn’t know it would be this hard to watch my husband work this hard.
I didn’t know I would feel so guilty for his fatigue.
I didn’t know how insecure I am…anxious everyday that I might lose him…What would I do? or the baby…or my sister…
A secure woman is one who is finding her everything in Christ.
I’m back and forth, and embarrassed. And at times when I’ve confessed it, I’m slapped with “Don’t be anxious.” Got it.
I still don’t know how to raise a child, a girl especially. I don’t know how to do hair, how to cook many meals, why things work the way they do.
I’m given unsolicited advice daily by women who know what’s best for my family. I just wish more of them would stop to ask to pray with me. Remind me God is with me. Model for me practicing faith instead of instilling more fear.
I didn’t know these would be my struggles when I finally carried life inside.