I really missed Lolo this Thanksgiving…

Thanksgiving Weight (Wait)

Thanksgiving weighed a ton.
I waited to hear you, hug you,
shoulder rubs from you.
It was quite quiet.
I imagined your singing
mingling with our chatter
instead I saw Mamita cry,
saw pain in her eyes
she sat with us at the “kids’ table”
(I guess we’re all adults now though)
my foundations feel unstable now
because your picture rest next to the piano
and that’s all I saw of you tonight.

In a sigh we come and go
good times are fast, pain is slow
and laughter can mask or heal
or maybe it was both
tonight,
I just know nothing is certain
but this moment
and I’m not in control.
I want to hold these memories till
my whole world feels whole.
The curse is eternity in our hearts
but sand in our hands
we hold tight
but it all slips away
and we don’t know when.

I pray but sometimes doubt
You’re somehow good
filling hollow chambers that echo with change’s pain
making every lost grain of time count
somehow
mourning is blessing
it’s all for our good
somehow
if we would just look to You.
(No, I don’t have the answers
You are my answer)

The thorns of our harvest
worn once for our judgment
by One who rose, a rose from concrete, the risen Son is
the One who reigns,
eternal Thanksgiving
I can’t wait to partake.

Getting older is sobering
pain mingles with pleasure mingles with praise
weight is heavy, heavy I wait.
You know the recipe
for joy we’ll eternally taste.