One of the most confusing and difficult aspects of motherhood has been trying to establish my daughter’s sleeping habits. Here’s a poem to my (almost) two year old who is used to co-sleeping and being held all night every night. Read “Sleep Training (Part 1)” for a glimpse into my heart when we tried sleep training when she was nine months.

Crying it out seems so cruel.
3 hours is too much for me, for you
to cry my name and not hold my face
while I kiss your cheeks and nose.
They say it’s the best for you.
I hate it so much, but you need to grow.
I know it’s scary in the dark.
We’re all afraid of the dark.
I’m afraid of what the dark will do to you.
I will give my everything for you.
Tough love is tougher on me, I promise.
My heart bleeds when you scream in the darkness.
I can’t sleep.
I want to hold you till you push me away,
and even then I’ll stay just to hear you complain.
I’ll stay and hold you till I need to be held,
and you’ll know then the love of a mother
no words can tell.
And you’ll want to be held again.
And with my words, prayers, all of me, even when I’m gone,
I’ll hold you in your dreams and sing
of a sweeter love, a sweeter land where we
will be together again forever. I’ll be
more than a mother—your sister, your kin
next to you worshipping Him
in days with no darkness.