Cold feet
don’t move
just freeze
while blizzards
blow,
threatening
an Ever-Winter
white, lifeless
dry defeat.
What was vibrance?
What was vigor?
What was that
feeling
I felt
before?
that confidence
so sure
you were handcrafted
to fit me
and I
a perfect
pick
for you.
I felt
it made
perfect sense
Now,
days out
from my second
greatest commitment
in this life
and I’m
upside down, blurred vision
heart spinning
and they all
expect me
to walk
straight
and seal
my uncertainties
with a kiss.
But was that
what He wants?
How is it
I feel a
grand canyon
keeps me from
hearing Him
and feeling intimately
close,
a sheep on His neck?
a broken sheep
on His neck…
I know
He won’t
write it in the sky,
“Go ahead. Marry him.”
I know
it’s a matter
of prayerful
counsel-led
faith-empowered
decision.
If I were
watching me
I’d
shake my head
and sigh
“Oh, just commit
and trust God.
Death to your
self-centered
expectations.
You have all you
need in Jesus.
So go lay your life
down;
let Him work out
all the pieces.”
But feelings
feel so
real
Cold feet
can’t heat
internally
I need
I need
the sun to rise
on doubt’s shadow
on fear’s freeze
I need
I need
to hear
why I’m here
again.
Because I’m
clearly not
convinced
and seeking
Self-Pity’s
poisonous companionship
yet again.
And I feel
this all
will fall
if I
can’t hear
Him call.
I will feel
nothing
but
cold feet
if You don’t
please, please
rescue me…
Cold Feet
