Oh! I could go crazy
I could go crazy
pondering all of the maybes
wondering the what if’s
of you, baby
Baby, you have been
an instrument
to tune me in
to faith, a means
of sanctification already.
I mostly feel unready
to be Mommy, still
I’m anxious to hold you,
know you, I’m anxious
when I don’t feel you moving.
Amazing this heart,
one moment overjoyed
next overwhelmed, joy spoiled.
Fear kills my joy.
Is your heart beating?
If yours stopped
I can’t imagine mine
continuing,
I can imagine mine bleeding
I don’t want to imagine,
but trapped in thought
of what I can’t fathom…

Father,
please put a halt
to this
Please make it stop,
I’m just
dust that is
easily tossed
by fear
I feel lost
frozen and hollow.
Please speak louder than
these voices of hopelessness
voices of tragedy
echoing, maddening…

I know I’m not hopeless when
all things You have ordained them
orchestrated victory in every loss,
predestined for me a crown
after my cross, Your Son
took the worst for me,
crowned by the curse
soaking Your wrath for me
pouring out Your mercy.
Mercy, mercy
have mercy,
I’m so easily shaken,
drifting away…

I will not be forsaken,
not in the darkest day.
I will not be consumed,
not by the hottest flames.
I will not be abandoned,
left to my dismay.
Not when You’ve promised
to carry me,
My Shepherd,
My Strength.